This is something I started writing, I would like opinions on it if you have any, the first part is the story titled Lux lcis quod Atrum, or Light and Dark in latin. it\'s esentially about a conflict between two races, the Mar\'Thak, a brutish race of warriors who despise weakeness and live by the "survival of the fittest" mandate, and then the Rohyr, people who basically follow a "Brotherhood" and care for eachother. The two races are esentially polar opposites, and in the story you will learn about the diverse cultures and how they affect their people and see some of my best writing.
Lux lucis quod Atrum
The Marks of Honor
Chapter 1, Prey in the Day
Kaleth
To a young boy, power is something that is out of reach, something that does not quite make sense to him. The only true understanding that he might have is that of his imagination, but even a boy’s imagination sometimes molds with reality, and Kaleth felt invisible. He could possibly argue that the lizard agreed with him, for it seemed to not notice him hidden in the nearby bushes, dressed in his brown leather clothing.
The lizard was a strange creature to many people of the outside world, but to Kaleth, it was a familiar sight, and what it meant was food. The Mar’Thak lands were home to thousands of creatures, many of which could not be found anywhere else in the world, and Tyeori housed this one unique lizard in its rocky and barren terrain; the Krin Lizard.
The lizard now, was a small creature, possibly about three weeks old. It weighed no more than five pounds, and had a dark green, possibly grayish colored skin that sported two rows of protective spines, and armored scales. The Krin could grow to the size of horses, and were used for such, if one could tame them.
The Krin were very notorious for being used by an elite group of Mar’Thak soldiers known as the Death Guard; Knights with unimaginable fighting prowess, capable of harnessing the Dark Lord’s great magics.
Kaleth knew of naught but food, and food was hard to come by, well, at least food this good!
As he plucked a hollowed out Kilwi reed from his belt and procured a thorn that also came from the Kilwi plant, he raised the hollowed object, placed the Kilwi thorn, that had been turned into a crude dart, inside of the weapon, and fired the dart, piercing the soft skin of the lizard’s neck, between its armored back and head.
The Creature almost seemed unaffected, but there was a bit of an odd swagger to its movement as it tried to scurry away; the poison had already set in. It didn’t take long for the creature to stop all together, dropping from the rock face it decided to cling to, to land flat upon its back.
Kaleth felt like cheering, but his mother and all the other mothers always warned their children about unnecessary noise. It could draw the attention of any male out on a hunt, especially those of the Academies. They were vicious and hunted irregularly unlike the rest of the men who hunted in bulk during certain times of the year.
Instead of cheering like his body wished him to, he moved quickly over to the body of the lizard and plucked it from the ground, pushing the dart deep into the flesh of the creature before pulling it free.
Kaleth stuck the tip of the bloody thorn into his mouth, biting the very end off and sucking on it as he placed the dead Krin into a pack on his back.
The Krin blood was very nutritious, containing many minerals that were hard to come by, making the Krin a very useful source of food for those who lived in Tyeori, hiding from the older males who sought to “purge” them from the lands.
Also, much like the Krin blood, the inside of the highly poisonous Kilwi thorn was a small amount of a very sweet nectar that in sufficient quantity, could revitalize nearly any one lacking in nutrition. It had come about at one point, which somehow someone came across a neutralizer for the Kilwi plant, probably by observing the Krin, who loved the plant greatly. The blood of the Krin destroyed the toxic content of the Kilwi thorns, allowing them to eat away at the reeds freely.
As Kaleth headed back towards his home, he found that the wind had been picking up. Wind in Tyeori was never a good sign, it often meant trouble, and something was wrong with this wind… It was a hot wind, and smelled of smoke. Kaleth then knew what was wrong. Academy students!
He burst into a sprint, running quickly back towards his home, and then realized, if he were spotted they could trail him back. No, home was not the place to go, but…
Kaleth slammed into a body, and thankfully it was no larger than his own, so he assumed he would not die yet, but that body did let out a yelp as they fell in a heap. When Kaleth regained his senses, he realized he had ran into a girl that had been harvesting the flowers of the Kilwi plants, which he noted that he nearly ran into in his frantic escape.
“We have to hide!” Kaleth whispered, his breath labored from panic and the sprinting.
The girl’s eyes widened in horror, she realized what was going on right away, “Quickly, I saw a place we can hide on my way here!”
She grabbed his wrist and yanked him into motion. If Kaleth thought he could run fast, this girl could at least double his speed, though, then again, the females among the Mar’Thak were known for their great speed and agility, as well as their superior intelligence.
Kaleth could see where she had led him as soon as it came into view, a crevice had formed in the earth, and would easily allow them a safe hiding spot, but it would be a bit suspicious of any of the men walked nearby. Again, Kaleth was surprised as the girl actually grabbed a nearby Kilwi plant and yanked it free from the ground, pulling it over the hole that covered them.
“Are you crazy?” Kaleth whispered.
“Not as crazy as you for making any noise at all!” She replied angrily as she applied salve made from Krin blood and several other ingredients to the puncture wounds on her hands. She might find that she would be slow at moving for a few hours, but she would most certainly not die.
Kaleth ducked back against the far wall, the girl cuddling up against him, she was obviously as afraid as he was. Their mothers always warned them about the riders. They were dangerous and showed no mercy, and mercy was not even a word that existed in the Mar’Thak language, at least that Kaleth knew of.
It wasn’t long before the stench of the torches the Academy students carried arrived. They always burned torches and a large fire nearby where they would hunt to signal all the hiding women and children, giving them the sport of the hunt.
Somewhere in ancient times, the Mar’Thak had taken on the sense of the survival of the fittest mentality, and such, weakness was despised above most things. Another thing that had come about around that time was the separation of families.
Young females, around age sixteen and up, often left the hiding of the Tyeori wastes and even the forests in the other regions to join up with the men and others within the cities. These girls would then find themselves in a game of mating, trying to get chosen by the best of the men. That way, they could assume a position of power once their child was born.
Even though, once the females were with child, they would flee from the cities in fear that another of the family would come forth to attempt to kill her and the unborn child, as they too, sough position of power in that family. This caused what was known as the hidings. Mothers and their children scattered in bands throughout the lands, hiding from those that seek to do them harm.
So, Kaleth knew he had a father somewhere, and it was possible that he even had brothers in this band that was out to kill him, and his mother, oh his mother would be worried as she sat back in the caves with the rest of the families, if they could even be called that.
Above, the voices of the men could be heard. They were spread out, that much was certain, as they were yelling and few of the voices were close together, hopefully they would pass right around Kaleth and the girl, but luck was not something to be taken seriously in these times, only your skill at hiding yourself from their eyes could keep you alive, luck… luck was not a factor anymore.
The crunching of boots was heard overhead. Oh please pass over! That is what the two prayed for, but prayed to whom, the Dark Lady, the only god they knew who could help them; but she was the one who began the senseless slaughter of the mothers and children…so Kaleth really didn’t know who his prayers went to.
The movement above them ceased, and Kaleth heard the man above draw his sword. The shadow moved fluidly across the sand outside the little cavern they were secreted away within as the man stepped over it.
He jerked away the Kilwi plant, his mailed hand easily protecting him from the thorns. As the Mar’Thak male stood over them, glaring down at them with the intent to kill them, he raised his sword into a position to thrust, and Kaleth felt the girl curl up into a fetal position and whimper.
“No…” She whispered faintly, but it seemed to have an effect on the man like no other.
He staggered backwards and quickly threw the Kilwi bush back over the hole.
“What was what?” Another man asked as he walked up, “What was it that spooked you Auskoth?”
“Nothing,” but as Kaleth saw the man reach for the bush, the man named Auskoth grabbed his wrist, the sound of chain on chainmail ringing in the air.
The other was obviously angered, “What is the meaning of this? Remove your hand from me!”
“Come, I just saved your life. There is a very agitated Ruen in there.”
The man…Auskoth lied to the other! Oh, what a day this is. A Ruen would surely have meant death for anyone who provoked it. The snake was easily one of the most dangerous creatures in the lands the Mar’Thak controlled, and they were found primarily in this region of Tyeori.
The man nodded to Auskoth, “Thank you, Brother, I owe you one.”
Auskoth patted the man on his back and they moved on, leaving the two children alone.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
This second half is an example of how I keep track of many things I write, since I found early on that I write on impulse and often leave people or things out of the story at random times, making it quite confusing, it also explains in more detail things in the story that might not be completely clear. Also, I often write up at least as much history and plot as I can before I begin, and use it as a general guideline, but often times they are very different from eachother.
Lux lucis quod Atrum (Layout)
The Marks of Honor
Forces of Dark, “Survival of the Fittest”
God – Llaerynoth, Goddess of Death – Avatar – Achrynoth Illadaria of Uran’Gar | Ghangoth, Goddess of Fire – Avatar - Alora | Aeserth, God of Earth – Avatar Ryley
Race – Mar’Thak
Nation – Aelophos [C] | Iralnu | Tyeori
Ruling Body – “Lord” Achrynoth Illadaria and the Circle of Death
(First: Dragons (Pern)|Last: Very Long Names)
Forces of light, “Brotherhood”
God – Detyius, the God of Life – Avatar - Idrial | Iritia, Goddess of Air –Avatar - Eo | Osoeus, God of Water – Avatar - Aral
Race - Rohyr
Nation – Toracia [C] | Arania | Warycia
Ruling Body – The Senate
(Long names/Greek)
Characters
Avatars
Achrynoth – Achrynoth Illadaria, the Lord of Uran’Gar, and the Lich king of the Undead, is the Avatar of Llaerynoth, Goddess of Death, and he represents his post quite well. The Ancient Lich’s skin and muscle has decayed away, leaving him with nothing but bones harder than steel, covered in his dark and ancient robes. Achrynoth is not of the Mar’Thak, he is a creature of unknown origins. Almost all of his joints are reversible, giving his body the ability to transform into nearly anything he might wish, making him quite the opponent. His hands boast clawed fingers capable of rending the flesh from bones, and his feet have claws that resemble those of a raptor, giant hooks that can impale and tear away muscle with easy. His features are very much that of a Dragon-like creature though, even as he resembles a humanoid. This puzzles many people who look upon him.
Achrynoth is also one of the most powerful mages in the world, and it is believed that he very well might be. Of the entire Avatar group, he is arguably the strongest. Achrynoth often uses his magic to revert his body back into its old form, giving him some semblance of life, his body being covered in scales that can slice through the toughest of metals and protect him from the sharpest of blades. Achrynoth is the oldest of the Avatar, with the exception of Haeli, whose Origins are just as unknown as Achrynoth’s, though he does indeed know who and where she is from, no one knows for sure how old she is.
Alora – Alora, the Avatar of fire, is the image of a striking young girl, with fiery red hair and eyes to match. She has quite the temper and is not one to be trifled with. Her Mastery over the Element of fire is quite impressive and she can even pull the heat from the air around her, turning the area into a frigid region of the coldest temperatures.
Aral – Aral is Avatar of Water, and appears as a man in his early forties. Aside from Achrynoth, who doesn’t necessarily show age, he appears as the eldest of the Avatar. He controls water, and can use the humidity in the air to crush his opponents, though if he were to enter an arid waste or desert, he could become quite powerless.
Eo – Eo is the Avatar of Air, she is remarkably non-descript, her face and body of such boring features, that many find it difficult to look upon her, she chose to appear as such for she really does not appreciate attention like others may, she prefers solitude and her Mastery of Air can make her quite a formidable foe.
Idrial – Idrial, the Avatar of Life and light, is a remarkable boy of his early twenties who emanates an aura of golden power. He is easily noticed by the large white feathered wings that sprout from his back, giving him the ability to fly, making him the only Avatar that can fly other than Eo and Achrynoth.
Ryley – Ryley is the Avatar of Earth, and is the Brother of Haeli; how they had become family, is unknown to everyone including themselves, a mystery that is almost as unsolvable as Haeli herself. Ryley is a powerful boy, capable of mastering the very earth and forcing it to do his bidding. He is easily the most laid back and easy going of the Avatar, capable of great patience.
Haeli – Haeli is a great mystery to everyone, with the exception of Achrynoth, who knows of Llaerynoth’s will, though does not completely understand Haeli. He watches her constantly, her ability to control Shadows and Darkness is almost as powerful as Achrynoth’s own magic, but she is a very peaceful girl, though when riled her temper can be very fierce.
Haeli is a great beauty, one of the most beautiful girls to live among the Mar’Thak. Her skin is a fairly light purple hue and her hair falls in dark black strands down to the center of her back. Her entire body, save for her face are covered in inky black runic markings, entwining her and encompassing her, seeming to focus on several specific locations upon her body. Few people know of these markings, she keeps them well hidden and wears clothes that will conceal them.
It has been said that Haeli possesses a tail that is about three feet in length, though people see her with it, she does not always have it, which is a mystery to many as well.
People
Mar’Thak
Auskoth Emendaril –
Kaleth –
Lleyaldilth –
Rohyr
Nexus Moratai –
Rynitia Tantanan –
Places
Nations
Aelophos – The Kingdom of Death; Despite its namesake, Aelophos is a very lively land, consisting of several major cities of the Mar’Thak. It is the smallest of the Mar’Thak nations, though it is the most densely populated. Much of the population is found in the Eastern and southern sections of the Land. Aelophos boasts a large forest and marsh in its southern region, while a fairly barren and devoid waste in the North and West.
Arania – The Kingdom of Air; Arania is mostly an agricultural region, but does boast one of the largest fortresses of the Rohyr civilization, the Aerie. Most of the Southern, Eastern, and Northern Regions of Arania are used for farming, and are sparsely populated in that region. The Western region is a rather mountainous, and is where one would find the Aerie.
Iralnu – The Kingdom of Fire; Iralnu is the main agricultural land for the Mar’Thak, and is the largest of the three lands that the Mar’Thak control. It is quite densely populated along the southern region, where the coastline would be located. The Far East boasts a large chain of Volcanoes, none of which have erupted in a great while; they could be believed to be inactive.
Toracia – The Kingdom of Life; Toracia has the reputation for being the most densely populated of any land, containing many large cities and castles that house the many Rohyr that live there. It is an extremely beautiful land, with great forests and many rivers, it has been populated so much that it has become little use for any agriculture, but the living quarters are greatly sought after.
Tyeori – The Kingdom of Earth; Essentially Tyeori is the military stronghold for the Mar’Thak. It is the largest of any land controlled by the Mar’Thak, or the Rohyr, spanning great distances. This is where many lesser of the Mar’Thak seek refuge, as it is extremely difficult to locate anyone in the rather large and arid wasteland, riddled with caves and tunnels. Even though Tyeori is for the most part a great wasteland, it does contain its fair share of forests, though those more likely to be found in such a climate.
Warycia – The Kingdom of Water; Warycia is the largest of the Rohyr land, though small in comparison to the massive Tyeori of the Mar’Thak. It is greatly populated, not nearly as dense as Toracia, though this population is made up mostly of traders and those unable to afford the rather rich and expensive living quarters in the Toracian cities. Warycia has many rivers, and very lush countryside, boasting rain forests and many, many rivers.
Cities
Uran’Gar – An ancient city of unimaginable size, buried deep beneath the surface of the earth. This City is only reached by the portals created by Achrynoth. Uran’Gar is essentially devoid of life, if you do not count undead as living creatures.
Mar’Thak
Rohyr
The Aerie – One of the greatest fortresses of the Rohyr, build high in the mountains in Western Arania. The Aerie consists of several layers of wall along a narrow path that leads up to a large plateau where the main fortress is located. The Aerie is the main base of the Brotherhood, and order of Paladins.
Things
Circle of Death – A group of very powerful Necromancers and Dark Wizards that essentially rule the Mar’Thak, headed by Achrynoth Illaria.
Death Guard -
Kilwi – Kilwi is a small plant native to the Mar’Thak lands of Tyeori. This bush grows in reed-like clusters that produce very attractive flowers. The thorns of the Kilwi plant secrete a highly toxic liquid that has been found to, on average; require six to fell a full grown Mar’Thak. The inside of the thorn contains a very sweet nectar, that of which is used in many medical remedies as well as drinks given to soldiers immediately following battle to quickly regenerate lost strength.
Krin – Krin are lizard creatures that very much resemble common Iguana, except are far larger in comparison, often reaching the size of horses. Krin are often mild tempered creatures until they reach adulthood, after which they become extremely hostile. Krin are renowned as the common mount for members of the Death Guard. Krin blood serves as a good source of nutrients as well as a antidote to poison from the Kilwi plant, as well as several others, which are the main source of food for the Krin.
Mar’Thak – The Mar’Thak are also known as the Children of Darkness. This race of humanoids has many acute senses that make them extremely dangerous in the dark, such as the ability to see heat, feel vibrations, and extremely good hearing. The Mar’Thak men are generally quite tall and very powerfully built, while the females are slim and are extremely attractive in most cases. Most of the Mar’Thak will have darker skin of a purple, even dark gray or black hue, and many of the males have many piercings that symbolize rank and strength among them.
The Mar’Thak civilization runs, essentially, on a caste system, Mages and Magic users, especially Necromancers, being the highest, followed by the strong, warrior-istic males, and then females of age for breeding that have not yet had their first child, followed by those that have had children or are bearing children, who often are apart from the actual society and go into “hiding” to keep their children safe from the older men who will see these new boys as competition and attempt to kill them.
Among the Mar’Thak society, once a woman is pregnant, that women will retreat from the main civilization and generally go into hiding somewhere in Tyeori. This is to protect the possible child they may have. It is widely recognized that killing a young boy is a great honor, one of the greatest that can be achieved by the Mar’Thak. It is rare though, that such a thing happens as the Mar’Thak women are extremely intelligent and are very capable of protecting their young, even against the brutish and generally well armed and armored men.
Rohyr – The Rohyr are a rather peaceful people, though in times of war they band together to fight back with overwhelming force and determination. The Rohyr people could be considered religious extremist, many of them undertaking jobs of Paladins or Dervishes, Priests, and other positions in which they can server their gods.
The ideal of Brotherhood is strong amongst the Rohyr, many of the people go out of their way to help each other and on the battlefield there is no greater honor than to save the life of another, or to give your life in the defense of the weak.
Rohyr are basically identical to your average human, though their affinity for magic is much, much higher, though in most cases their magic is not destructive like the Mar’Thak’s magic, but capable of great feats of healing, and thus, the Rohyr are known to live extremely long lives.
Ruen – Ruen are great snakes, powerful beyond reason with fangs that can pierce armor with easy and still puncture the skin to deliver their deadly payload of venom. Very similar to a cobra, the Ruen have large fans that extend from their bodies like wings that give them a very terrifying appearance.
Senate, The – The Senate is the ruling body of the Rohyr. Thirteen people, generally males, elected by the Rohyr to lead them. They act as one, and are based upon majority vote.
What I am basically looking for are any writing style hints. Errors in my spelling or punctuation do not need to be pointed out unless it is something I repeatedly do wrong and appears that I do not realize the correct way to do something. I hope you enjoyed my writing and have a few nice things, and even a few mean, more helpful comments. Thanks!
