Kerr could see that his revelation had had impact but neither his attitude nor his jaw softened immediately. For a few moments, he gloated that he\'d been able to shut Jack up in one fell swoop, but then he became pensive once more, his tongue stud scraping and tapping agitatedly about his mouth as he watched his companion.
Eventually, he relented, the tension leaking out of his shoulders as he decided to break the extended silence. "Look, I didn\'t want to make a big deal about it, okay? And I didn\'t want to... to ask you to bring it with you because it just seemed...
awkward
uncomfortable
disquieting
embarrassing
too much to ask
fraught with embarrassing landmines
potentially humiliating
awkward," he finished lamely, his body tensing up again, despite his willing it not to. Everything he\'d thought had just rammed home that this was all fucking awkward. All of it.
Especially the part where he had to think about Ben fucking Hannah before he came to visit him on the designated night. That just churned his gut and caused the jealousy to swell like a wave; he figured he could let it dump him, or he could attempt to ride it, and sort this out a little. After another moment of contemplation he decided on trying the ride; at least he\'d theoretically be floating, rather than sinking.
"And... I\'m sorry I\'m being such an asshole," he said through stiff lips, his gaze constantly roving, looking from each eerie silver eye to the other before moving down to Ben\'s beautiful lips
he kisses her with them
puts them on her naked body
in her cunt
GOD, must you?
he does, he does that, he uses her
He loves you
he loves fucking her and we can\'t even have an adult conversation about lube because it\'s too fucking awkward and yet we\'re supposed to FUCK?
it\'s ridiculous, I can\'t do it, we can\'t do it, he\'ll only be wishing I was her anyway
She\'s not the one he truly cares about
it won\'t matter, he thinks it\'s all going to be loving and fabulous but he\'s going to swallow his tongue when he gets a good look at my cock and he\'s going to flinch I know he will, it\'ll be awkward and embarrassing and shit and it won\'t matter how much he thinks he loves me or how hard I try to make it good for him, I\'m still me and he\'s still him and SHE IS STILL THE ONE HE FUCKS EVERY NIGHT
Fuck.
and trying not to think about where they went and what they touched on Hannah\'s body. He couldn\'t avoid it, though, and images rose in his mind, causing him to flinch and squeeze his eyes shut while he forced them out, out, out. When he opened them, he stuck with looking into Ben\'s eyes, his expression imploring.
"I hate that you have her. I didn\'t think I would, I thought I was okay with it, but seeing you touch her, I just... " his words broke off and he broke eye contact as well, quickly flinging the bottle he was holding down onto the bed because his hands were becoming fists that he couldn\'t stop and he didn\'t want to burst the fucking thing. He stared at his clenched hands for a few moments, trying to will them open, to clear his anger... to no avail. They stayed taut while he looked up again and spoke through an equally tight jaw.
"I can\'t separate the two of you, not like that," he confessed in a hoarse whisper, staring at Ben\'s lips. "I know it\'s unreasonable, that I shouldn\'t be jealous but... but you\'re him. And you\'re mine," he asserted fiercely and suddenly his hands were unclenched and he was moving, grasping Ben\'s head between his hands and kissing him in a desperate fervour that he\'d not even been aware was simmering beneath the surface... until it was free and doing its best to label Ben as his in the best way he knew how.