Article usage...

[Ionaya]

Well, when an article isn\'t needed, I take it out.

Example: Blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for strokes to be finished; brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

But recently someone said that I /needed/ articles here. It came to:
The blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for the strokes to be finished; the brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures that were pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

I dunno. I think I like it better without the numerous \'the\'s, but I\'m not sure. I thought it was my \'style\' but apparently that\'s not supposed to be a style. I understand that article usage can vary from country to country because some are taught a difference of Englishes, but I don\'t think a sentence needs so much.

Is this a style, or something similar to excessive comma usage and run on sentences?

Also, I was told my tense was off, but I don\'t see it because \'waiting\' is an action and the verbs after that draw their tense from it.
Should it be:

Blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for strokes to be finished; brush slipped around white skies and built concrete structures pillared high on brick foundations and angled down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

Or

Blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for strokes to be finished; brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

(ignore lack of \'the\'s)

I really would like opinion on this.

[The Cedar Witch]

Blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for strokes to be finished; brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

Is the one I personally like better, but that\'s just me. I just like the way it flows, in my opinion, better then the first version...

idk. The first way seems more artistic, the second is less...abstract? I guess it all depends on what you\'re aiming for in your writing...

[Trillian]

Well, when an article isn\'t needed, I take it out.

Example: Blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for strokes to be finished; brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

But recently someone said that I /needed/ articles here. It came to:
The blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for the strokes to be finished; the brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures that were pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

Fiction is fiction, you can be as poetic as you like, so it is my opinion that articles in the above example are not necessary.

Not only that, but \'blues\' would not be an article, for it is a descriptive - would you say \'the blue\' ?  I\'m more likely to say not.

I would, however, put in a \'the\' before brush, for you would say \'the brush\' - you\'ve got to have a measured balance I think, between keeping your style and delving into bad grammar.

My opinion then, is don\'t sacrifice the flow, but also think about how it \'reads\'.  A story is not a poem, so it needs grammatical structure, but it\'s also a whimsy, so you\'re allowed to put some art into it.

Not much help from me, eh?  XD

[Ionaya]

I like the way you phrased that, Rainshadowck.
I was just concerned that maybe it wasn\'t style, and that I might someone in denial of it.
Idk, like excessive comma usage or saying a word constantly.

&thank you Satyr. I realize that I do get lost in trying to be poetic that I get offtrack and end up not really saying much at all.
Are my tenses all right? I\'m concerned that I go from past to present.

[Cy for Cypher]

Blues ran wet into grays and captured immobility, waiting for strokes to be finished; brush slipping around white skies and building concrete structures pillared high on brick foundations and angling down to cold, unfeeling asphalt and cracked sidewalk.

This seems to be the way most people prefer to write descriptive paragraphs nowadays. Or, well, that\'s what I see most of all, at least.

But all I think when I see "brush slipping..." instead of "the brush slipped" is "Incomplete sentence! Incomplete sentence! Danger, Will Robinson!" All I see there is a bunch of gerund phrases and not a verb with the correct tense in the second sentence.

But that\'s just me, of course. Y\'all can be as free with your writing as you like! After all, I did just type y\'all. 8| And I have been known for unnecesary and gratuitious overusage of dashes, so I can\'t exactly be a stickler for grammar...