Author Topic: Anything But Numb  (Read 53899 times)

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Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #120 on: November 16, 2008, 03:46:51 PM »
Morgaine hadn\'t meant to be offensive (for once) but was simply pointing out the irony. She also wanted to point out the fact that – unless he\'d been employed by a second grader – his boss was most likely more than few years older than him. It was a sobering thought, and her laughter quieted a little before his, and her eyes slid to his shoes. His description of said employer\'s stalking, however, brought a devilish smile back to her face, and his question brought her eyes back to his, before she tilted her head back and aimed them at the stars as she formulated an answer.

"It depends on the person,\' she said, finally, still looking up, "Some people are really afraid of sex for different reasons, and some people just don\'t like it.  But, on the whole, yeah, most people do it for fun – and most people do it as often as they can," she grinned, to, and fixed her gaze – eyes a-twinkle – on him again, "And lots of people do it to make babies, sure, but that doesn\'t make it any less fun. At least, I hope not."

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #121 on: November 16, 2008, 10:51:20 PM »
He kept smiling but the nod he gave her in response was rooted in seriousness; anything Morgaine said was gospel, as far as Tau was concerned, for she was the expert on everything human and was gifted enough to have patience and sympathy when explaining things to him.  She didn\'t laugh at him, and he really enjoyed that.

"I\'d like to have babies before I die," he admitted, frowning at the complicated scenario such a desire posed, "but I know that is a bad idea.  Being a Shifter isn\'t easy and I have yet to meet even another feline female Shifter, let alone a female cougar Shifter."

He fell into a pensive silence that was soon broken with a shy little laugh and another embarrassed grin flashed Morgaine\'s way.  "Alec and I talked about what would happen if we mated.  What sort of babies would we have?  Rattlesnakes hatch inside their mothers and are born but she is coldblooded so... I doubt a warmblooded cub would survive inside her.  Or maybe we\'d make a hideous mixed Shifter!" he exclaimed, eyes widening at the thought and a hoot of laughter erupting out of him before he shook his head.

"No, it would be too complicated to mate with another non-feline Shifter.  But I wouldn\'t want to have a litter with a human woman, either; she would have to watch her babies live a short and very confused life and she would have to teach them all about something she does not even fully understand.  Besides, women like there to be love and... I don\'t really know what that is like so... I\'m pretty sure I will not get that wish!" he finished wryly, uttering another laugh.

He didn\'t understand why he was laughing, because this topic just made him feel helpless and disappointed... he thought it was a human habit he\'d picked up, though.  A cover up.  Masking all the sad feelings he had when he realised he wouldn\'t be able to live his life to the full and breed as Nature seemed to intend for all her creatures.

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #122 on: November 17, 2008, 06:22:36 AM »
Children. Screaming, dirty, squirming, ruin-your-figure, scare-off-your-friends children. As Morgaine thought of these, her nostrils flared, her eyes widened, and her breath quickened – as if she were already inexorably trapped by the burden of motherhood.

These feelings were obviously not the same as those inspired in the shifter, however, so she wiped the thought from her mind, and listened. The image brought to mind when he mentioned mating with Alec was not a pretty one, and she was glad that he wasn\'t seriously considering it. That laugh almost made her cringe; it was the strangled sound of someone who was giving up.

"Hey, now," she said, placing her hand back on his arm. This time, it stayed there, "Don\'t you give up, though, right? There\'s no way to know for sure that there\'s no one out there." She paused, "And, is it really guaranteed that any kids you\'d have would have a short lifespan? Even with a Human?" She asked because she honestly didn\'t know, "I mean – I don\'t know anything about Alec\'s parentage – but she doesn\'t seem to age like, uh, like you do. Just...judging by her reaction, I mean. Does it always have to be like that?" Putting aside her own opinions about children, Morgaine just couldn\'t stand to see anybody simply give up on something they wanted, especially something as important as this.

"Turn left here," she added, using the hand on his arm to steer him in the right direction.

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #123 on: November 17, 2008, 06:57:56 AM »
He spared a sad smile for he, then glanced at her hand upon his arm, finding that overwhelming urge to be connected to her rising in him again.  This time, his body took over while his mind was still weighing up the pros and cons and he lifted his arm briefly away from hers so that he could catch her hand and hold it between them.

Morgaine\'s hand was likely very rough to someone who didn\'t also use their hands as paws to run for miles through wilderness, but to him it felt incredibly soft and delicate.  In fact, he hoped she didn\'t hate the feel of his tough, leathery hand but he only held her loosely in case it was too much for her and she wished to pull away from him.  Still, a feeling of warmth and satisfaction welled in his chest as he claimed teh connection to her - and turned left, as instructed, of course.

"No, it\'s not guaranteed that I will have children who share my short life span but it has always been that way in my family, for every generation my mother knows about.  Most shifters are not like me, you are right; Alec is like every other case I have encountered in my job, dominated by their human side and living out a basically human existence, with the life span to match.  I seem to be the exception there, too, and it\'s just another reason not to get my hopes up."

Thankfully, he\'d got over the awkward laughter business and was coming back to himself more - enough to be aware of Morgaine\'s very obvious body signals that she was uncomfortable with the topic of children but that she was kind enough to humour him, anyway.  Still, the sad smiled flared again as he struggled to find something less emotional to talk about.  His life was altogether too simple and short to hold any mystery for her, so he switched the topic back to her (most people enjoyed talking about themselves the most).

"Anyway.  How old are you and how has your life unfolded so far?  Why do you dislike children so much?" he enquired with genuine interest.

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #124 on: November 17, 2008, 07:53:13 AM »
She looked up at him and smiled when he took hold of her hand. Morgaine was not, generally, the hand-holding type, but his skin was warm, but not clammy, and calloused – even, perhaps, worse than hers, and the prolonged contact sent a thrill of warmth through her that had only a little bit to do with physical attraction. It both pleased and worried her. She decided to focus on the former, however, and leave it at that.

"Well, there\'s always a chance you\'ll be the one to break the cycle," she said, as a final comment, giving his hand a squeeze. But she didn\'t want to make him sad, so she dropped it. For now.

Morgaine liked talking about herself, for sure, but on her terms. There were things she didn\'t like talking about (and, in fact, would not, if she could avoid it at all). So, when he asked her to go through her life\'s history, she barked a laugh, "Well, now, there\'s a weighted question!" she exclaimed, "You never ask a lady her age, or her weight, by the way," She grinned, and used one of her favorite lines, "Good thing for you there aren\'t any ladies around. I\'m twenty-six. Almost twenty-seven," she seemed rather surprised as she said this. She\'d always been aware of her age, but it had never really meant anything to her before; it had simply been a number. She was old enough to have sex, and she was old enough to drink, and she was old enough to rent a car, that was really all she needed to know. But now she\'d said it aloud; twenty-seven? That meant she was almost thirty.

She made a face, but went on to tackle the last part of his query, "I don\'t like kids because they\'re loud, and messy, and a hassle. And they have to go to school, so you can\'t take them on the road, and you can\'t say what you want around them, because they might learn something they shouldn\'t and –" realizing she was ranting, the singer took a deep breath, "Basically, they make me nervous, and they annoy me. We\'re almost to the restaurant, though, you think you can wait \'til then to hear my Life\'s Story?"

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #125 on: November 17, 2008, 05:02:11 PM »
"Of course," Tau answered politely, beginning to pay more attention to their surroundings, now that she\'d said they were close.  They were approaching what looked to be a small shopping centre and he watched as they walked by a few different shops, wondering which the Chinese place was going to be - though his nose picked it out before his eyes did.  It wrinkled, finding the smell of cooking flesh to be almost offensively strong (though he\'d never been to any restaurant before, so it wouldn\'t have been right to say it was the smell of the Chinese food cooking, exactly).

He said nothing and schooled his features into an expression of mild interest as Morgaine turned them towards the predominantly-red decorated eatery, finding that holding her hand was useful because he could hold her back momentarily while he opened the door for her with his other hand.  Once inside, he let her do all the talking in order to acquire them a table - the place wasn\'t exactly crowded but there wasn\'t no-one in it, either - and followed the maître\'d to their table.  She helped them into their seats, handed them a menu and walked away with a short bow and a smile.

Tau looked at the menu he\'d been given with great interest, as if reading it might hold the answer to life itself.  "We look at this and choose what food we want?" he guessed, reading words like duck, chicken, beef and pork sprinkled all over the page.  Unfortunately, his reading was so poor that the headings were about all he could quickly make out and he would have to take his time deciphering the rest.  After a quick look at the pictures, he turned his attention over the menu to Morgaine instead.  "What do you think I should eat?  I like the sound of duck," he told her helpfully.  As for what they did to the duck... he couldn\'t be sure, but he was a fan of the animal at the least.

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #126 on: November 18, 2008, 04:46:32 AM »
Well, at least Tau knew something about chivalry – because Morgaine had forcibly forgotten most everything she\'d known about it, and so Tau would find that he had to hold her back in order to keep her from opening the door for herself. Of course, he didn\'t have to try very hard, because Morgaine was very small, and didn\'t want to make a scene, besides.

She\'d forgotten all about it by the time they reached their table, anyway. The smell of grease – detectable, now, too her dull Human senses, to an effect completely opposite to the one elicited from Tau – overwhelmed all else, reminding her of how hungry she was. Which, apparently, was very.

"Uhm," she said, picking up her own menu, which she scanned, "Chance usually gets the Szechuan duck," she said. It wasn\'t her favorite, but it was one of the least-fried things on the menu, and the dipping sauce it came with was quite mild; she told him as much, standing up and reaching across the table to point on his menu with a chopstick (though she had to momentarily pull the laminated menu down a bit while it was still in his hands to orient herself), "It\'s sliced, kind of like lunch meat, so no bones, but it\'s pretty tasty all the same." She shrugged, "I like really spicy food, but I don\'t think that\'s your scene."

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #127 on: November 18, 2008, 10:51:26 AM »
He gave her a look that was somewhere between pained and wry.  "I like food not cooked, so I don\'t think we enjoy the same types of things either," he said with a laugh, glancing down at his menu again.  It swirled into a collection of random characters beneath his confused gaze, looking insurmountably indecipherable at this stage, so he put it down and gave Morgaine a hopeful smile.

"I will just have the one you said... however you said it.  The duck one that Chance likes," he told her with an assertive nod, resting only his wrists on the table and linking his hands together like he might\'ve been about to pray.  "Will you order it for me?" he enquired sweetly, not doubting that she would make the offer but feeling it would be polite to ask (if there was one thing his mother had been good for, it was teaching her boys the right way to act when they were human... even if it only covered social graces - not useful things like deciphering slang and other human speech eccentricities - and only one of them chose to pay attention to her teachings).

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #128 on: November 18, 2008, 11:51:11 AM »
"Sure, sure," she beamed at him across the table,  "If you don\'t like it, we can be packed up and outta here in two shakes. I\'ll even carry you back to your place, if I gotta." What she meant was if you get horribly sick, but she hoped that wouldn\'t be the case. If it was, well...they\'d cross that bridge if they came to it.
 
As she was tlaking, though, a waiter magically appeared at their table, and she placed their orders -- letting Tau decide on what he wanted to drink, while she went with a pot of hot tea. She skipped appetizers and went straight for the entrees, because now she was done messing around; the lady was hungry.

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #129 on: November 18, 2008, 12:58:03 PM »
Tau was happy with water but was interested in the whole experience of ordering and watched Morgaine avidly, learning from her mannerisms, her speech patterns, the way she dealt with the waiter.  He smiled at her when attention came his way again folding his arms across his body (but being sure that only his forearms rested on the table, not his elbows) and giving her an expectant look.

"Now we wait for them to bring the food out, do we not?" he enquired placidly.  "So you have time to tell me about yourself?"  His grin seemed to be quite cheeky now, considering.

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #130 on: November 18, 2008, 01:39:20 PM »
"Yep," she said, nodding in answer to his first question, "And, uh...yeah, I guess so. The abridged version, anyway." Morgaine had had an interesting twenty-seven years, with a vast array of experiences to show for it, but she started from the beginning.

"I was born in India, but my parents immigrated here when I was still a baby, so I grew up American. My parents had a hard time with that; they\'d wanted a good girl – they tried raising one, too – but somehow, what they got was a rowdy kid who played guitar and got into fights at school and did the opposite of whatever they wanted her to do." She laughed – a mostly humorless one sort of like the one Tau had uttered earlier, that had worried her so much – and looked down at the table.

"Now, where my parents come from, it\'s still fairly common to arrange marriages – which means that they decide who their kids are going to spend their adult lives with when the kids are still really young, and don\'t get to have any say," she spoke about this particular subject with a certain detachment, though she didn\'t seem to notice. She paused there, took a breath, and looked up again, "When I was seventeen, I found out that my parents had done this – arranged a marriage for me with some person I\'d never even heard of. He\'s from a good family, they said, He\'ll make a good husband." She couldn\'t keep the bitterness from her voice as she mimicked theirs.

 "Anyway," she went on, shaking her head, "I didn\'t want that life. I didn\'t want my mother\'s life of subservience, doing everything your husband says, deferring to him in every way – I couldn\'t even respect my parents; how could I be expected to honor someone I never even knew?" She laughed again, and this time there was humor there – showing how ridiculous the thought was to her, "So I ran away. I stayed with friends, and I made money by playing guitar in the subway. I didn\'t make a lot, but I only needed enough for a bus ticket."

She paused, and sighed. This was the hard part, the part she still didn\'t like talking about. She wore her scars with pride, because they were part of who she was – but it was a difficult part, a part she liked to keep inside. As if gathering her strength together, she went on, "I didn\'t have time to make enough even for that, though. The kid I was supposed to marry – his dad found me, one day, while I was packing up. It was late, and the station was empty, so it was just he two of us. We fought. He – he had a tube of battery acid – sulfuric acid, I\'m told – and he threw it on me. On my face. And as I lay screaming on the tile, as it burned, he shouted at me, that it was my fault, for bringing shame on my family, for refusing to marry his son. He said now, no man would ever want me again," She spoke dispassionately, and her gaze had travelled back to the tablecloth, at the last sentence, however, a smirk crossed her lips – but it was gone with her next words, "Eventually I passed out, and somebody found me like that. A cop, I think. When I woke up I was in the hospital, with my guitar and a suitcase by my bed, and a note from my parents telling me I was dead to them," The smirk returned, and her eyes moved back to his face, "And that was the best damn thing that ever happened to me."

"So I graduated high school, living with friends, off the charity of others. Colleges gave me more scholarships than I could ask for, and I got into a good school, studied music for four years, got my degree, and hit the road. I got my tattoos the day I met Ami, a year or two later. She held my hand," The singer smiled, remembering the experience – painful though it had been, "And the rest is history I guess."

A shadow passed dover their table, and she looked up, suddenly delighted, "Hey! Food\'s here!"

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #131 on: November 19, 2008, 12:26:02 AM »
Tau had to blink himself out of the rapture he\'d fallen into while listening to her story, amazed at how there were different cultures and beliefs within the world, even though there was only one species; how did people get to be so different, yet still have the same genetic makeup?  It floored him!

The food looked appetising and he was firstly tentative about dipping it into the sauce as Morgaine advised him to do, but once he tried it, he found that the assault to his tastebuds was actually far more pleasant than he\'d anticipated.  It made him pull a few faces because it was so damn sweet, of course, but he was happy enough to supply comic relief, considering the very serious story his companion had told.

After a few appreciative mouthsful of duck and even some of the rice that Morgaine had ordered to share (it had some good, big meaty bits in it, though they were terribly dry and stringy for the most part), Tau decided to ask one of the many questions that had arisen during the tale.  "What does it mean, that your parents said you were dead to them?  And why is that the best thing that ever happened to you, don\'t all children love their parents?"

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #132 on: November 19, 2008, 06:59:58 AM »
Watching Morgaine eat was a little bit like watching a backhoe; face close to the table, she used a method that was more akin to shoveling than actually picking something up with her chopsticks and eating it – as Tau was doing masterfully (though he used his fork), despite the delightful faces he made while doing so. This was a habit she\'d picked up shortly after meeting Ami – because if you didn\'t pay attention to what you were eating around the bassist, it would likely be gone by the time you went to take a bite.
 
She\'d come up for air (and a hearty drink of still-too-hot tea) when he spoke again, and she answered after she swallowed, cringing slightly, "Well," she began, "It means that they never wanted to see me or hear anything thing from me ever again. In their minds, I might as well have died when I ran away, and dead people don\'t call or write. To them, I didn\'t exist any more." It felt odd to be explaining it this way; she was used to simply telling the story, having people say, awkwardly, \'wow, that sucks\', and leaving it at that – because there was nothing else to say.
 
This was good, though. Maybe they\'d both learn something, "And it\'s the best thing that ever happened to me because it meant I was free. I had nobody to answer to but myself. I could do anything I wanted, as long as I was willing to put in the work to do it." And she\'d lived that way ever since; true, she\'d had to answer to her professors in school, and to the state, for a year before she graduated – but those were nothing compared to the constraints her parents had tried to put on her, "almost all kids love their parents," she said slowly, pushing a piece of chicken around on her plate with no real intention of eating it, "when they\'re little, anyway – but sometimes parents don\'t love their kids. Or the people their kids grow into."

Offline Existentially Odd

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #133 on: November 19, 2008, 06:01:52 PM »
Tau was watching her carefully, obviously not overtaken by the emotions of this confession but quite perplexed nevertheless.  "You were not... lonely?  Once your parents said that you were dead to them and all you had were friends and... a guitar?" he queried, putting himself in her situation and believing that even if he wasn\'t super in touch with his feelings, he would be bereft without his mother to teach him how to make his way through the world, and without his brother to rely on.

He missed them a great deal, every day that he remained in the city alone, and those feelings of emptiness very frequently overcame his desire to be here, explore and find a mate.  Those were the times where he shifted and roamed for days at a time, visiting his family and the wilderness to get his strength back and continue along the human path he\'d decided to tread (it had happened twice in the past year he\'d been there).  Most of the time it was just a hollow space in his gut, though, and he was able to put it aside and look for positives in the life he had.

Offline Harlequin

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Re: Anything But Numb
« Reply #134 on: November 20, 2008, 10:13:23 AM »
She shook her head, "I was too mad to be lonely, at first," she said, "Parents are supposed to protect their kids, no matter what, and they abandoned me when I most needed protecting, and I hated them for it."  She set down her chopsticks, no longer interested in the food she was pushing around her plate, "but I still missed them, sometimes. My friends were good people, though, so I was never really alone – until I cut my ties, there, and went to live on my own.

"It got better, though. I got over being mad. I\'m even grateful to them, in a way; now, it\'s like I said -- the best thing that ever happened to me, even though it hurt like the dickens at the time. It taught me to rely on myself," A pause, in which she refilled her empty teacup from the little metal teapot that had come with it, "But then I got lonely, after I was done being mad," she tilted her head to one side, considering, "It still took me awhile to be able to trust people again, though. That was hard."
 
She smiled, then, "You can only be lonely for so long, though," she said, "Before somebody -- or somebodies -- happen along and fill that void."