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41

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Trillian on December 10, 2020, 08:15:47 PM »

Ben's lips twisted as he considered a comeback that was fairly disgusting. Pushing it aside his mind grasped onto a different side of familial bloodlines.

"My human family isn't connected to me anymore. I don't have the same blood as them. I'm not even the same species as them."

He thought about his brother who'd come sniffing for money and had been happy to lay guilt-trips on him in order to get what he wanted. The memory tainted Kerr's earlier comment of being adaptable. Mick hadn't been particularly smart or diplomatic about his money-grubbing, but he probably hadn't realised he'd needed to be.

42

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Existentially Odd on December 10, 2020, 08:08:58 PM »

Kerr snorted laughter despite his feelings to the contrary, just because Ben was so adamant about the matter. And because the image of him giving birth to Ben was hilarious.

"I suppose so," he conceded, still smirking. "Plus, incest isn't my thing. I really don't want to think of you like that when I'm fucking you. That's so wrong," he laughed again, squeezing his eyes shut and pulling a face of disgust that soon became a grin once more.

43

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Trillian on December 10, 2020, 08:02:14 PM »

Ben beamed his pride until Kerr started speaking about 'secret horrors'. Ben gagged theatrically.

"Stop calling me your offspring and comparing siring to parenthood," he instructed. "I know there are some similarities but the differences are massive. You transformed me from an adult human into a young vampire, you didn't give birth to me."

44

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Existentially Odd on December 10, 2020, 07:55:43 PM »

Kerr mused on the cyclic nature of vampires siring their lovers. As a man sired for practical and/or devious purposes, he could attest that, no matter what, a bond would form between sires and fledges. Love was not necessarily the right reason to do it (nor was murder or revenge) but it was purer. Intent mattered. Caring mattered.

He chuckled, amused by the notion of Ben pairing himself with a 'wild' sire versus one he would walk all over. There were times he'd felt walked on by Ben so there was a sensation of sympathy towards Vincent but Kerr believed his superior would have rallied. Ben was a force to be reckoned with but his heart made him vulnerable and reachable. He was not a monster (anymore).

"Perish the thought," he teased, grinning at Ben in amusement. Sobering, his smile turned fond as he gazed at Ben. "Your gift, though, is that - as much as it pains me to admit because it means I'm not unique - you're highly adaptable. Sinfully clever. Wickedly astute. You'd adjust to any situation, any sire, and get out of them exactly what you need. You're an intoxicating mixture of innocent and experienced and no-one can resist you.

"While you feel I can't be replaced - and I definitely don't want to be - I feel you'd adapt out of necessity. It saddens me but also makes me very bloody proud to know that you're built to last and be self-sufficient. That's what they say is the secret horror of parenthood and I think it's the same for vampirism; your whole purpose is to train your offspring to not need you and success means making yourself obsolete. I treasure being needed by you."

He gave Ben's hand a squeeze and smiled adoringly at him, the impact of where they were walking sending pulses of insecurity and fear through him despite his best efforts to quell them. Talking with Ben, feeling love for him, being distracted by him... that was what was keeping him calm right now.

45

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Trillian on December 10, 2020, 07:24:40 PM »

Vincent? Ben would've blushed at the name had he fed on the sheep. As it was, his eyes darted to Kerr and then faced the front again. He thought Owen would be more relieved to hear it than either of the older vampires. Vincent hadn't been the one that would've replaced Kerr, though. It would've been Charon... until the ancient tired of their little roleplay and stopped the pretence.

"He was sired by a lover," Ben said, having listened to Vincent's story with rapt attention. "And he sired his lover. While he understands torment, he is still gentle and caring. Forgiving. Nurturing. If he'd been my sire I would've walked all over him and he would've let me. He's not the kind of sire I need. I think I would've got on better with his sire. She sounded... wilder."

The picture Vincent had described of her had certainly painted her that way. Ben would never know if Vincent's idea of her was close to who she'd been. He had a suspicion that Kerr might describe him the same way.

46

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Existentially Odd on December 10, 2020, 06:41:47 PM »

Kerr looked at Ben's profile, his heart swelling with love. He'd delved into very deep philosophical territories on this matter in their past and bad decisions (Hawaii) had come about when he'd believed his own hype and doubted himself. At that moment, it was the perfect thing for Ben to say to him. Even if he felt he should be replaced at times, the fact that Ben assured him he couldn't be mattered.

It would matter to him for as long as his life extended because he would always love Ben; he was pretty sure he could hate him and still have love for him somewhere in his body. Kerr reached across and took Ben's hand in his own, holding it reverently, gently, feeling somewhat unworthy. "I don't know who would be more relieved to hear that; me or Vincent," he joked, thinking fondly of the older vampire that Ben had trained with while he'd been 'dead'.

47

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Trillian on December 10, 2020, 06:02:18 PM »

Ben felt a surge of pride at Kerr's praise. He was aware that he was starting to relish compliments a little too much lately. All that flattery from the general public during the campaign had set his ego up... before it came crashing down. It seemed his ego was ready and willing for compliments again. More meaningful ones this time, from someone he could trust rather than a group of randoms.

"Nobody can replace you," Ben said quietly, for he'd faced an alternative for 18 months. He knew he could survive well enough without Kerr. He'd fallen into the good graces of an ancient family that would've made him their adopted diplomat. But being without a connection to Kerr and having nobody he deeply loved in his life... he'd had to find a way to deceive himself to keep his grief in check. He didn't like the idea but he knew it was possible (even likely) that he and Kerr would break up (again). They'd already done it and come back to each other. But Ben had suffered the loss of Kerr each time. As mismatched as they were, they'd delved too far into each other's souls to back out now without leaving a hole behind.

48

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Existentially Odd on December 10, 2020, 05:00:46 PM »

Kerr was fascinated, lost in thought as he trailed after Ben and tried to imagine turning his own powers inward to lessen his impulses. Coming from a background of impulse-embracement, it would never have been a concept that entered his mind at such a young age. He didn't judge his bohemian upbringing as superior to Ben's but he definitely appreciated their differences more when the fact of them was laid in front of him in such a manner.

Silence stretched between them after Ben finished speaking and it was because Kerr needed time to gather his thoughts to respond. "I... that's amazing," he marvelled, frowning at the road they'd begun walking on again and shaking his head in wonderment. "It's not anything I've tried before but it sounds like a great pre-cursor to levitation. That's just you turning telekinesis back on yourself so... I wonder if you'll find that easier, because of this, or will it be unrelated? It seems to me like they're both about imposing your powers on yourself for effect so it should work. It's just... you're still so young, really! Even to be able to affect yourself with Will, that's amazing."

He was repeating himself now and it was probably boring but Kerr couldn't help feeling awed by his fledgeling. To an outsider, it would seem so minor but the mental fortitude such a feat took was no easy thing to conquer. His thoughts were swiftly taken over by a sensation of inadequacy once more, compounded by the thought of their destination.

"Sometimes, I think you're a better sire to yourself than I am," he said, issuing an offhanded laugh with the statement that just sounded awkward to his ears. It was hard to make light of a genuine concern he held deep in his heart.

49

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Trillian on December 10, 2020, 04:47:01 PM »

Ben braced himself for a reprimand but a question adjacent to drinking from a sheep came instead. He recognised the genuine interest in Kerr's voice and wondered why he was even asking. But of course, it wasn't Kerr who'd taught him how to deal with his thirst, it was Themba. It wasn't anything the ancient vampire had actually taught him though. Ben had learnt it out of necessity. Out of fear.

He explained it.

"I wasn't always in a place where I could easily have a drink because there were people around," like models, glamorous party-goers, contacts, agents, photographers and the rest, "and I had to figure out a way to push my thirst down. Willpower wasn't good enough but imposing my will was, if I targeted myself." Ben warmed up to the topic while they resumed their walk towards the manor. "It's like the pacify talent you've taught me, the one that makes people docile..." and explodes sheep - he smiled but it was small and fleeting and wasn't enough to take away the shine in his eyes when speaking about anything vampire-power related. "I turn it inward and focus it on my thirst. It's a temporary thing, only until I relinquish control and I need to feed just that little bit extra from holding it down, but I can do it for several hours. I haven't pushed it past four." He made a grimace to imply he didn't want to push it further, either.

50

† OUT OF THE CITY † / Re: Reconnection

« Last post by Existentially Odd on December 10, 2020, 04:27:33 PM »

Ben's reaction surprised Kerr and he immediately regretted it. He'd made a mistake but... he couldn't help doing it and he couldn't take it back now.

As much as he was cognitively aware that his own rigidity about the sheep slaying had closed Ben off, he couldn't bring himself to backtrack and explain. It wasn't about the sheep. It was about losing his moment to be a decent sire right before he was about to visit the place where his life had ended and he'd learnt everything about being a bad one. He was nervous. He wanted to guide Ben, not smother him and his fledge not taking his advice seriously had annoyed him too much.

He was being too much again. He knew it. He just couldn't stop it. And now Ben was upset with him and no longer willing to listen. Right now he felt he was no better a sire than Sawyl had been but he didn't want to give up completely. Ben's thirst had been potent yet drinking was now a 'stupid idea'? That didn't seem right... yet Ben seemed outwardly calm about it.

"Just like that? You're not thirsty? How do you do that?" Kerr asked, sincerely curious. He was risking Ben blowing up at him but he needed to know if he was reading this situation correctly. Could a vampire as young as Ben have such control over his thirst?